Thursday 17 November 2011

‘A Brie Encounter’ and Other Cheesy Films

You can’t respect or trust the film recommendations of video store employees (VSEs) unless there is within the store a distinct whiff of socks. It has long been argued that there are two sides of the brain, one side used for creative thought, the other for logic… or is that the other way round? Is the other side for creativity and something else...? Anyway, we’re either good at one or the other way of thinking. Similarly, VSEs have a capacity for film dissertation over foot hygiene. One side of their brain makes poignant remarks about the use of mise en scene in the Manchurian Candidate, the other says I don’t have to wash these socks tonight; I’ve only worn them three days in a row. (CLICK ON 'Read more' LINK, BELOW)

However, there exists a fine balance. What is the acceptable level of cheesiness in a video store? Borrow from the colour coding system used to rate threats to national security. Red would have to be a state where you’re mistaken for walking into a cheesemongers (especially if you are lead in blindfolded). Amber, would be about right, a level at which the VSEs sock wearage puts them in slight jeopardy of contracting athletes’ foot.
Of course, any strategy is open to abuse. Be vigilant when visiting your video store that the VSEs are masking sock hygiene by secreting Stilton in shop niches, using a kind of system of savoury ‘joss stick-ing’. Usually joss sticks are called things like Cinnamon, Cardamom or Juniper, the names of children whose parents have bought a house in a Stoke Newington school catchment area.
FOOTNOTE: Take a look at legendary film buff Mark Cousins’ clip, below – a treatment on video bloopers. He’s so passionate about film, you can almost smell the foot halitosis.

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