Monday 1 August 2011

Stoat Toasties

Zoos, museums, airports. What do these locations have in common? They are all places that make us crave wanting to pay a minimum of £5.20 for a cappuccino, or £12 for a soggy panini made from bread that is the latest pioneering foray into exotic bread types by Mother’s Pride. All foodstuffs that say shut up we don’t have to be organic (see ‘Know Your Organic Paraguayan Melons’, May 2011; and ‘That’s Organic Peanuts!’, July 2011, in the blog archive for more on organic stuff) to cost this much.
In the airports, caterers are able to pass on the costs of delivery hold-ups in their snacks if they make their deliveries through the check-out desks. (CLICK ON 'Read more' LINK, BELOW)

‘Did you pack your own sandwiches?’ asks the airline employee.
‘Uh, a load of ladies on the shopfloor did them.’
‘So, no? Okay. Can you just open them all up for me…?’
Zoo cafeterias have the potential to take things further by offering more of a restaurant service… via the specials board.
‘Are you ready to order?’ asks the waitress.
‘I quite fancy the panini, but what are the specials you have?’ asks the diner.
A crackling noise interrupts the order. The waitress answers a walkie-talkie communication from a zookeeper, then re-engages with the diner.
‘I’ve just been notified of a demise in one of the enclosures’, she says. ‘May I suggest the panda and chips?’
‘Well it’s not every day… yes, well why not?’ replies the diner enthusiastically.
The waitress, searching for a way of extracting a few more bob from the diner in tips, goes for the bonding strategy:
 ‘And how do you like your panda, sir?’
‘I think you’ll find they’re all pretty rare, sir’, she quips.

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