Monday 27 June 2011

Dead Man Tripping

Let’s take a look at the motherly advice: tie up your shoelaces – you don’t want to trip and break your neck. If in reply you happen to say that you won’t tie them and imply that you do want to break your neck, she’ll have some other advice tucked up her sleeve. Don’t come running to me with your paraplegia, she’ll say, or your quadriplegia, she might add, if she’s looking at the bigger picture.
Where do mothers get their body of evidence? Are the odds so very much stacked against the haphazard lacer? And if so, why don’t shoelace packets contain a Government Health Warning? ‘Wearing untied shoelaces may result in a broken neck’ would be a helpful message. And if that message doesn’t get through? Why not step up the message like they do on cigarette packets – run a photo on the shoelace packet of someone with a severely drooping head? (CLICK ON 'Read more' LINK, BELOW)

Why do we see on the high street an absence of the one-stop shop for footwear advice shirking neck-breakers selling under one roof shoelaces and wheelchairs? Why don’t those insurance companies offering damages for accidents, like Claims Direct, offer lower premiums for slip-on wearers?
Do we need to drive the message further? Australian mothers might try this: ‘Don’t wear your thongs (flip flops) without slipping your big toe one side of the toe-splitting bit of plastic thing strap and the toe next to it the other side of it. You don’t want to…’ – you get the idea.
Executioners could save themselves rope and time-consuming gallows construction activities by giving the condemned shoes with the shoelaces left untied, the words of the black-capped judge ringing in their ears: ‘You will walk around the prison yard until you trip up and break your neck until you are dead.’

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