Friday 23 September 2011

McDonalds – I’m Lovin’ Shit

Up until recently it has been infernally frustrating getting your microwave oven to slow cook. Things like a slow-cooked stew. They’re simply programmed to cook too fast. But the wifi modem is set to change all that. The wifi modem always looked a better bet than the conventional modem (the one noted for going ‘ooh-ee-ding-dong-ding-dong’ when it was firing up) because it can provide a cable-less internet connection to your computer. Instead, it does it by pumping out a very weak microwave signal. So what you can do is leave your wifi modem switched on all day and your stew next to it. Come back from work that evening and you’ve a slow micro-waved delicacy. (CLICK ON 'Read more' LINK, BELOW)

Some people rue the erosion of a culture of honest, conventional cooking. But they can compromise. By slow-cooking ready meals. Here the microwave chef can feel a bit more involved – setting the oven clock to a very short time, letting it cook, then ‘ding’, putting it back again and repeating the process about 300 times so his Mini Chicken Tikka Massala Pizza Bites from Iceland ready meal heats up very gradually. The only slight drawback is the constant pinging that can be mistaken for a reversing vehicle backing up what would seem an unusual distance, but without the voice sounding: ‘Vehicle reversing’.
The slow cook is about the only thing McDonalds, the fast food outlet, has not quite addressed (although it is looking into introducing the McHangi (see video clip below)).

They’ve done just about everything else outside their remit, like salads, and now they’re offering a selection of coffees. Not generally well known, this development. But overhearing a customer asking for a ‘Tall, Skinny’, unaware of this new venture, a fellow-queuer might well guess McDonalds had ventured into the coffee market. Familiar with the shape of the typical diner they certainly wouldn’t dream McDonalds had expanded into the area of dating agencies.
And how about chitterlings? Chitterlings are pig intestines, though they need to be washed very carefully in preparation, otherwise faeces may linger. Either McDonalds acts diligently or it changes its slogan to what most of us had already thought might be more appropriate – “I’m Lovin’ Shit”.

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