Thursday, 15 September 2011

Time of the Month Awards

It’s about time women chose a better time of the month. At the moment they’re a choosing time when they’re feeling at their most rotten. And their most unreasonable. ‘Don’t eat so loudly’, they bark suddenly while you’re only eating something mushy like broccoli; or ‘Take your shoes off while you’re swimming’. Totally irrational.

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It’s time for women to recognise that they should stop trying to have the time of the month while they’re having their periods. Valiant to stick with it so long – and we all appreciate what you have done – but it has been, and is likely to continue to be an uphill struggle. For a change, ladies, plan to do nice things at a time of the month of your choosing. Like sitting in a bath with tea lights around it even though you might have put money in the electricity meter. Or eating chocolate. Or going to a spa (though try not to pee in it if you’re using a spa in Buxton because other people have to drink that stuff).
Perhaps the time of the month should be decided at the end of each month, retrospectively, so women can look back and choose their best moment. Like the Champagne Moments in the TV coverage of cricket. The moment might be a good stumping… and it might well be in the cricket as well. Men will be better pleased with this retrospective system too, because women will tell them after the event when their time of the month was. Men can then feel relieved that they missed it until that is they discover that women have a stinking mood at another time of the month.

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