Cracking A Fat

It’s official: fatness is a disease. But doctors are now able to help alleviate the symptoms:

‘Here’s your prescription, Mr Smythe.’

‘What’s that say? How will the pharmacist read this?’

‘He won’t – you need to present it over the counter at Dunkin’ Donuts.’

‘Really? This bit I can read… 4 to be taken 3 times a day in between meals.’

‘That’s right. I’m reducing your intake.’

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Of course, a low-dose of doughnuts can introduce the risk of side-effects. The patient may experience taking up just one seat on a bus or once again catch sight of their genitalia.

Categorising fatness as a disease may well help break down other common misconceptions. So we might understand better that anyone at any given moment might be afflicted with masturbation.